Once a week Nathaniel writes a letter to us in his writing notebook. A couple of weeks ago he wrote this letter, spelling and all:

Diorama. That word sends a wiff through the air of all of those science nights I never participated in, history projects on large pieces of cardboard that I was crap at, and still lifes in shoe boxes I had no idea how to make.

My folks were big on education, but they weren’t particularly helpful when it came to things that were out of the main classroom experience. I vividly remember a junior high project on Eisenhower’s campaign where my classmates came to school with large pieces of cardboard full of images, campaign pins, and newspaper clippings, while I showed up with a large piece of cardboard with the words “I Like Ike” rendered in crayon. Or my one and only science night where the rocket I was showing wouldn’t go off, and the booth looked like, well, like it was designed by the same person who designed my Eisenhower poster.

Determined not to let Nathaniel know the ignominy associated with handing in a mediocre diorama, I told him I’d be glad to help him with it.

I asked him how the book was going. He said it was going well, but I sensed from the way he said it that he either hadn’t gotten very far, or he was having a little bit of trouble with it. So I asked him to bring it home. And I was glad I did, because it was definitely on the hard side.

As there was only a week or so until the diorama was due, we needed a fallback. Luckily he and I were in the middle of reading The Wizard of Oz, and while we weren’t going to have it finished by the time the diorama was due, we had made it to the Emerald City, and there was lots of great diorama material getting there.

So we worked on the diorama together. He said he wanted to show Dorothy and Toto walking on the yellow brick road, and I suggested maybe they could be meeting the Scarecrow. We worked on a sketch. Then he got a shoebox and painted the inside. And hung some clouds. And drew a couple of trees, along with Dorothy and Toto and the Scarecrow. And Rachel helped with Dorothy because he didn’t like any of his Dorothys. And I helped him prop up the fence and the Scarecrow so they wouldn’t fall down again. And then he drew the characters on a piece of paper and taped it to the outside of the box (see picture above). And he wrote a really nice summary of the story on another piece of paper and taped it to the back. And what you see above is how it came out.

And when it was done I don’t know who was happier, Nathaniel or me.

There are many stages of a boy’s life, and most appear gradually, over extended periods of time. You know the kind, where Granny Weez (my mother), who hasn’t seen the boys in six months, says “The boys are really growing aren’t they?”. And we, who have been here the whole time kinda have to sit back and scratch our heads, pull out some photos, and say, “You know what…you’re right.”

And then there are the stages when you realize things are changing all of a sudden.

Recently I’ve had one of those “all of a sudden” moments.

I’ve been riding to school with Nathaniel in the mornings. We ride down the hill, onto the bike path, right at the bridge, past the Dipsea Cafe, under the overpass (ducking way down so my helmet doesn’t scrape on the ceiling), and on into Tam Valley. When we get near school, we get off our bikes, walk past Tom the crossing guard, and park Nathaniel’s bike in the school yard.

Last year we didn’t ride to school because I was working in San Mateo (an hour drive away), so I’d park four or five blocks away from the school entrance, and walk with Nathaniel to his classroom. He would invariably slip his hand into mine, and we would cross the street, walk past the refuse center (where we always looked at each other and said “We forgot to recycle the batteries again!”), and hand in hand enter the school yard. As I am congenitally late, the bell would just be ringing, so I would send him off with a kiss, and a “There’s the bell, better get going.” He would run off, and I would watch his backpack swinging from side to side as he hurried to class. I couldn’t help smiling, and watching, and wondering if every parent was filled with as much love for their child as I was with Nathaniel at that moment. And then I would turn, and walk back to the car.

This year we started the year off biking quite a bit. Then the rains came, and it got colder, and my front derailleur froze, and we started driving more than we biked. And one day I realized that we were no longer holding hands. And on a morning not long after that, a morning on which we did ride in together, we were standing at the corner of the school, and as I bent down to kiss him goodbye I saw his eyes dart, first down one side of the building, then the other. And I knew right then that things had changed.

When I got home that night, I told him what I’d seen, and asked him if he was looking to see if anyone else was looking, and he was big enough to admit that he had, and we talked about why that was, and how it hurt me a little bit, and how he shouldn’t care what anyone else might be thinking, because there’s a good chance they’re not thinking what he thinks they’re thinking, and how the other kids probably wish their parents biked to school like we did.

It was a good learning experience. For Nathaniel. And for me.

It made me think back to the first time that my father and I hugged as adults. I’d gone off to study at UC Berkeley, and my roomate John Wiley dropped me off at the San Francisco Airport to fly home for Christmas, and gave me a hug as I picked up my bags. Boy, that was a surprise (not much hugging in my family growing up). When I got home I decided to give my father a big hug, which unleashed some kind of huge latent hugging buildup on his part, because thereafter he and I hugged all the time. Anyway, it reminded me of that because we do a lot of hugging in our family. And a lot of saying how much we like and care for each other. And even though my relationship will change with Nathaniel, I want him to know how much it meant to me to hold his hand walking to school with him when he was eight.

Rachel’s sister Katie married a well-known (in the UK at least) wine merchant by the name of Bill Baker. He died last week of a massive heart attack while sleeping in the Gaunt family home in Cornwall (where we spent a wonderful two years).

I supplied the photograph that ran with his obituary in the Telegraph, but there’s nothing I could even pretend to add to what others have said about him, or what he said about himself.

From an interview in Harpers UK:

And from his obituary:

Links:

Obituary in the Telegraph: Telegraph.co.uk

Obituary in the Times: Times Online

decanter.com: Bill Baker dies (worth reading the comments)

PendockUncorked: Bye, Bill

Jancis Robinson: Britain’s best loved wine merchant dies at 53

Jancis Robinson: Baker’s effect on the restaurant business

Jancis Robinson: Bill Baker The Movie

The Interview in Harpers.co.uk: Bill Baker, 24 Oct 2005

Johnny Apple in The New York Times: New Year’s with Bill Baker

A Quicktime movie of photos I took at his 50th Birthday Party (with soundtrack): click to view

Yes We Can Video by Will I Am (from Black Eyed Peas).

We hope this email finds you well, rested, happy, and ready to start a New Year.

It’s been a busy year here in Mill Valley…Frank took a new job and now gets to ride his bike to work, Rachel has a steady stream of clients for her new life coaching business (at http://www.rachelgaunt.com), and the boys are growing by leaps and bounds.

While Rachel and the boys were away in England for 6 weeks this summer, Frank re-read some of his old A Year In Cornwall” weblog and realized how much he hadn’t captured in the two years since we’ve been back. So he’s started a new weblog — A Year In Mill Valley — at http://millvalley.backtalk.com/

In case you don’t get to the weblog, here’s a picture of the boys from our Thanksgiving trip to San Miguel de Allende.

Keep in touch.

xxoo
– Frank and Rachel

Before Christmas they stayed at the Stanyan Park Hotel (a real find!), near Nicky’s sister in San Francisco. We saw them once before Christmas when we took Alex and Nicky to the Smuin Christmas Ballet; dinner at Moose’s beforehand, and drinks/dessert at Medjool afterwards. They headed to Tahoe over Christmas, and then spent two days/nights here at Casa Leahy before heading off south to Disneyland. It was great to see them all, though the weather could have been a bit better (very English weather).

Here are the boys with the three Roads children.

And Nathaniel with the Rileys last year.

The boys got up early and brought their stockings into our bed to open. Ahhh, the delights of childhood…the wonder on their faces…the light and sparkle in their eyes…long may it last.

The big hit this year was Lego. Rachel found someone on Craigslist who was selling “a large amount of Lego”, but because there were no pictures it wasn’t clear how much there was, or what kind. Rachel had been emailing with him for the past three months or so as we kept trying to find an excuse to go up to Santa Rosa. Finally we went to visit Chris and John in Healdsburg, and stopped in Santa Rosa on the way.

“A large amount” was an understatement. We got there and were met by a very nice father whose son had gotten to the age where he wasn’t using it anymore, and Dad was ready to have it out of the house. There were four very large clear plastic boxes, full of many other smaller clear plastic boxes, all brimming with Lego. Rachel took one look at it and was about to ask if she could go through it and pick out stuff (she’s on a don’t-bring-anything-extra-into-the-house-because-there’s-no-room kick), but I could see that Dad just wanted it all gone. I said “How much?”. $40. “Sold. We’ll take it all. Rachel, can help me carry it out to the car? (and sotto voce) We’ll go through it later.” We brought it home, and on Christmas Eve filled up small two boxes with men, helmets, bits of boats and space ships…a multitude of pieces…wrapped it, and placed it under the tree. The boys are loving it.

We had my brother and sister’s families up for dinner, plus Michael and Teresa (bring some outsiders along…always a great way to keep the family in line don’t you think?). As you can see in the picture below the table for 16 just fit into the living room…diagonally. Not quite as much room in the house as when we had 30 for dinner in Sausalito 6 years ago, but lovely and cozy and great fun nonetheless.

Dinner started with crab. Then soup. Then ham, mashed potatoes and green beans. Then Chris’ famous ice cream with Mom’s chocolate sauce, and Jeannie’s apple and pecan pies. Yum.

Forty-five years ago we had Christmas at my grandmother’s house in Brookline, MA. Here I am (bottom left corner) with my sister Jean, Mom (in blue), and cousins Andy, Pat and Peter Mahoney. I found this picture when we were at the Cape this summer. Can’t wait to go digging for more next summer.

p.s. Thanks Rodney (see comments) for finding the original article at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=462091

I sent an email to Nathaniel’s principal at Tam Valley Elementary School awhile back, and came across it again as I was cleaning out my inbox…I think it’s worth remembering.

Nice note back from Gail…